Sometimes, I doubt if you really are my friend,
Sometimes, I feel you don’t care about me,
Sometimes, I feel you are there but not for me,
Is it because I am expecting more from you?
Is it because I want you to be the same as I am?
I want you to be yourself,
I don’t want you to change anything about yourself.
But I do feel there is a distance,
Sometimes, you are my best friend,
But other times, you don’t even ask,
Should friendship be so difficult?
Shouldn’t it be natural?
I will still wait for you to be ready,
Because I really care for our friendship,
Waiting for you, my friend….
I read this book by Charles Dickens when I was very young. Not that what I am about to write has anything to do with the book, it just seemed an apt title.
Do your expectations make you feel happy or disappointed? I know it can sway both ways. If we expect another person to behave or react in a certain way and they don’t, it is natural for us to feel disappointed. We think this is what I would have done in this situation and I expect the other person also to do the same – > propagating in us feeling upset, melancholy, and kind of detest the other person for not doing that. The next time too , the other person did not do as we thought, again disappointment engulfs us.
Should we stop expecting from others? I have tried doing that. I try to think only the positive things and tell myself, if this does not happen and there have been so many other positive things then I should still be happy. But it is very difficult not to have expectations and after trying a few times, I go back to same old expecting…..feeling happy, feeling disappointed…
How about you?
Yesterday, while talking to my very good friend, I realized something very deep about her. I have known her for years and I thought I already knew her well. But what we talked about yesterday was completely baffling to me. I felt as if I hadn’t talked to her for years and I am just getting to know her.
It struck me that we could know a person for years but not actually know them as deeply as we thought. Me and my friend have shared a lot of events, happiness, sadness in our lives. We talk a great deal with each other….but still I didn’t know as much as I thought. In fact, I think I understood her much better yesterday than I ever have.
How many of us have such people in our lives who we think we know very well but do we understand them?? Do we know what makes them that individual?? We all may have someone in our lives that we share our deepest secrets with, but still do we really know them, not just daily stuff or their behavior..but who they are, what has shaped them in their life?
It lead me to another realization – when you understand the other person, you have a new sense of admiration and a completely different perspective about them than the one you had for years!
I have read about true love only in fairy tales. Yesterday, I was reading about this story from a movie – A real life story that made me think about pure love! Love in its purest and truest form!
The story starts in the same way ..a boy and girl from different religions fall in love…they are kept apart by the families. But what caught my attention was that they were apart from each other for 22 years and they kept loving each other and waited for each other the whole time. Their form of communication was letters and a language that they called their own, perhaps language of love. The couple finally decided to go to the US but as fate would have it, the guy gets killed in an accident. She says, if there was a pyre lit on that day for him, I would have jumped into the fire because the pain was so unbearable. She still lives and calls herself as his widow even though they could never get married.
Their friends even called it “MADNESS”. True, how can you not call it madness? Lovers get separated due to various circumstances in their lives…but generally, one of them moves on. It is not wrong..it is just a way of life. But this love story made me believe in the existence of true love in real life. Their love story did not have a “Happily ever after” ending but they proved to the world that love exists and not just exists but exists in its purest form. It may be rare but the hope that they give and the lesson you learn from it is much more valuable.
A tragic ending to their lives but the love they had, is immortal!
Like my friend Vinitha said in her blog, Love and have faith in love…!
I was talking to my family’s Watsapp group about kindness and how it goes a long way. One cousin send this story about a lady who took a girl from a train and gave her education and a way of life. Heart warming story!!! Right?? One of my cousin says, I am not sure I can do something like that today considering that today’s world is so messed up that we don’t whom to trust and whom not to. She said as I was reading that story I was hoping in my heart that this girl won’t back-stab the lady. And it really did spark a debate in my mind – isn’t it true? How many of us won’t mind helping a youngster out but then we don’t know what we are getting back? We hear these stories every day about molestation, burglary, rape and murder and most of them by people who were trusted by the victims. When the world has come to such a stage where we can’t even trust the people we know, can we trust total strangers??
I do charity and have worked with shelters and such but I am not sure about a random act of kindness where I would bring another human being home.
This topic could lead to many questions as to – is this the reason why we see people not compassionate enough…is humanity heading in the wrong direction because one-act of crime from one person who was helped has created a scar for everyone else? I am sure there are many people who would want to extend that helping hand to a complete stranger whose plight moves them but they are stopped by a barrier that they are not able to cross. So do we just go with our heart or our mind in this case??
Now though the topic seems like it is talking about a corporate or official world, I am associating this word micro management to the household. As parents, even I make the mistake of micro managing sometimes. I have seen so many parents just go to lengths with this. For example, if a child is eating, how many of us know parents who tell their kids that they should sit in a certain way and eat like this..eat this first and then that..mix it this way. But aren’t we taking the fun out of that process for that child?? The exploring part of the child is gone. What if the child wants to mix noodles with yogurt and try? Or what if he/she wants to turn to the left side and eat that way??
How many other things do we micromanage as parents?? And that is why we do it even when they grow up. Some parents even tend to blame their grown up children because they can’t even imagine their kids can do something right without their help. Parents don’t realize that their kids have grown up and they can make their own decisions. Their kids NEED to explore, discover, maybe they will fail in the process but failure will become the key to their success if they are given their own freedom.
I am not saying parents need to just leave their kids free and not teach them anything..but there is a clear boundary between guidance and nagging! 😉 You can guide them by saying or instigate their curiosity by asking them questions about a process or even ask questions to them as to why they wanted to do it in a certain way. Maybe WE never thought it that way. Maybe we were taught in a wrong way and that became our norm for life. Have we ever thought in that direction? I feel sometimes as parents, we become bad managers for our kids!!
Let kids be kids..let them explore , let them learn from their mistakes, let them know you are there for them. Be their guide, friend but not their BOSS!! Bringing them into the world does not make you ONE! 😉