I saw this tree in a park the other day..standing alone! The tree standing there strong made me think. What would this lonely tree think?? Would it think that I am glad to be alone – no one to take the water that I need, no one to take the nutrients I need from the soil. I don’t have to waste my energy on fighting for my daily survival. So what if I don’t have anyone to talk to but at least I am free to do what I want to without being judged or have too many parameters that would define what and how I should do things. OR would it think I don’t have anyone; I have to stay here alone and no one to challenge me to do better.
Think about it – kind of how we would view our lives at different points of time. We love having people around and having them to love, to hate, to compete. But sometimes, we wish we could do things on our own in our own way and not let others define how we should act or live. We just wish we could just follow our instincts, be able to show our emotions as they are and not be shunned down for it. That lonely tree can show its emotions and follow its instincts since there is no one to tell it to behave in a certain way, on the other hand, it does not have anyone around who would be there to see when it is happy or when it is sad. Maybe as humans, we want to share our lives but how much of sharing of our lives causes unhappiness???
Should the lonely tree be happy about being alone or sad that it does not have anyone near?
I always talk about emotions. And sometimes, I feel each emotion takes up a lot of my life! I look at people around me and looks like they have a check on their emotions, a control over what will or will not consume them. How do they do it when I can’t??
My friend once told me your face immediately reflects what you are feeling. And I feel it is because anything that may be happy, sad, angry takes over me. It engulfs me so much that I can only think about that emotion for a long time..particularly if it is something that has hurt me. I can’t let go of it. I have to fight it so much that it takes a lot of my energy.
And then I see people who have so much control over it. It is like they have figured out life and how to live it without getting affected much. They have a tight hold of what they feel and will never do anything that will make them feel vulnerable.
So my question is how are they like that and I am like this?? What made them and what made me??
We all have this inclination to want people to understand us. We see ourselves saying this to ourselves or to the other person – “I was going through this and that is why I acted that way and instead of you understanding what I was going through, you were worried about yourself.” Do we really understand what the other person is going through? In this world, we all have our own pains, we all have our own small or big heart aches. It is understandable that we don’t feel the same every day…one day we may feel we can conquer the whole world…another day we may not feel anything…and another day, we might feel everything is taking us down.W e are humans and we are entitled to our ups and downs.
But are we entitled to another person’s understanding and compassion? If the other person is not having a good day, they might not understand us…if they are having a good day, they might not understand us…if they are having an okay day, still they may not be able to understand us..Why?? Because in every case, they are thinking about their own situation…a bad day would mean they are not able to solve their own problems to take over someone else’s; A good day would mean they don’t want anything else to spoil their wonderful day; an okay day would mean they are listening to you but they are still figuring out their day. No one is bad or selfish because they do that. It is just that we are built that way. It is just that our expectations make us feel that the other person is not able to understand us. If we are able to make adjustments to our own thinking and expect less from others, our disappointments can reduce too and helps in not adding an extra stress to our already existing stressful life. If we only could understand that we are all built-in a different way and we all look at things in different ways…
Does that mean we should not have expectations?? What will you do??
There is that feeling as you are approaching the milestones that will make your dream a reality…elated but also fearful, excited but also doubtful, smiling but still apprehensive. I feel it could be a fear that it still won’t come true or something will go wrong. What if after all those efforts and sacrifices , it might still fall flat. What if as I touch the dream, it will vanish away.
With so many “what ifs”, could anyone actually end up following their dreams? And if I give on to my fears, I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and regret why I didn’t even try, and ask myself – for what did I hold myself back! Chasing our dreams does mean sacrificing, taking decisions that would have been otherwise hard to take, coming out of our comfort zone and walking through the difficult road. But at the end, if you get what you want then it is all worth it. I have to remind myself that multiple times and I am sure even after all these reminders, I am still going to worry but my eyes are on that day when I will say It was all worth it!!!
There is a bend around the corner,
The one I have feared for a long time,
I take one step forward but…
Take two back because I am afraid ,
I am afraid of what I might encounter at the bend,
My mind is always filled with “what if it is something bad?”
My fear over shadows my willingness,
My doubts cloud up the road in which I am standing right now,
This dense fog is not allowing me to see,
The confusion makes me just stand where I am,
But I know if I have to touch my dream,
If I have to find what I have lost,
I have to move forward and…………..
KEEP GOING and brave myself to go around the bend!!
I hummed a tune today,
And I wonder for how long I haven’t sung a song,
There were times when I was happy like a bird,
Flying away to horizon,
Singing from my heart,
Didn’t have a care in the world..
I smiled today,
And I wonder for how long I haven’t smiled from my heart,
I used to laugh till tears dropped out of my eyes,
I was happy like a baby,
And have joy to spread around,
Didn’t know anything wrong in the world..
I promise to turn my life around,
And feel happiness again!
Feeling alone in midst of a crowd,
I laugh with everyone but my heart is somewhere else,
I speak but the words don’t belong to me,
I smile but the smile is meant for someone else,
Would I feel the same way if you were around?
You would make me feel that I meant something, not just anyone,
You could bring a genuine smile on my face,
You are the one who understands me,
You are the one I am looking for.
But where are you?
Have I not found you yet?
Or have I lost you?
Or am I still waiting for you…???