Yesterday, I talked to a friend after a very long time. It brought back some old memories. I thought of the time, (it surely feels like this) that I did not have any worries or never bogged myself down with “what ifs”. I did what I wanted to do, I knew what I wanted to do. My days were busy and at the same time, I was working on my dream. I felt like a free bird learning how to fly and knowing I will soar high one day. And that is the only thing that mattered.
Now I feel I laugh but have hundred things that are going on my mind at the same time. I am soaring high but I am always worried about what is happening on the ground below. The sky is beautiful but I am thinking when some dark clouds will take over. This moment, I am focused but the next moment my focus has been dispersed into different streams. I pride myself on multi tasking but I also feel I am forgetting to enjoy small moments of happiness or accomplishments because I am already thinking of the next thing to come. I always need something to do but I also want to smile heartily after I have done it. It should not be that only if I reach my goal, I should be happy. Knowing that I am one step closer every day to my life long goal should also put a smile in my heart and make me feel confident that even with obstacles, I will be there one day. I should love that though I am walking slowly towards my destination, with every step that I take, I am closer to it. And during this walk, enjoy every small thing that comes in the way.
There is that feeling as you are approaching the milestones that will make your dream a reality…elated but also fearful, excited but also doubtful, smiling but still apprehensive. I feel it could be a fear that it still won’t come true or something will go wrong. What if after all those efforts and sacrifices , it might still fall flat. What if as I touch the dream, it will vanish away.
With so many “what ifs”, could anyone actually end up following their dreams? And if I give on to my fears, I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and regret why I didn’t even try, and ask myself – for what did I hold myself back! Chasing our dreams does mean sacrificing, taking decisions that would have been otherwise hard to take, coming out of our comfort zone and walking through the difficult road. But at the end, if you get what you want then it is all worth it. I have to remind myself that multiple times and I am sure even after all these reminders, I am still going to worry but my eyes are on that day when I will say It was all worth it!!!
As I listen to many conversations here, one thing I realize is that for most people, their job is a means of bringing in money. From the time, I have come here, people have told… you should just take a job here , a job there but I don’t relate to it. Yes, do I have the financial stability right now to course me through a few years? Yes. But my job for me has never been a means to make money. If it was, I wouldn’t have left my 6 figure salary to get into teaching and earn one-sixth of it.
My job is my passion and will remain so. I always knew from my childhood that my need is to create a difference in at least one person’s or child’s life. And from the time, I was at school, I made sure I volunteered at shelters or orphanages.
Teaching has been my bread and butter, not in terms of income but in terms of satisfying my soul. A child who could not read English ends up writing a beautiful essay, that is life changing for me. I believe there is no selfless deed..and mine is selfish too….this gives me happiness. For different people, it may be different things.
I am not making any judgments..i just want to know if you think of your job or work as something else other than a source of income.
Just curious to know various perspectives 😉
The other day I was having a conversation with my brother and he asked me a question – If you are so passionate about it, would you ever let it go? And that question got me. It was a simple question but with a tough answer.
Teaching has always been my passion. I left a job that would pay me 5 times as much so that I could become who I am supposed to be and to say that This is ME! I followed my dreams and since it has been my passion, I really put my heart and soul into it. While working hard and putting in too many hours, I realized those were the happiest moments of my life. Even with health problems, one place I wanted to be was my classroom and my kids there. Everyday, I told myself that I am in this profession for a reason – to make a difference in a child’s life. I wasn’t teaching kids just to be academically strong and work on their “A”s but wanted them to be individuals with strong focus on their goals, confident and with a never give-up attitude. I heard somewhere “No deed is unselfish”. I agree because everything gives you back something. The happiness from my students and when my speech- impaired kid had the confidence to go up on the stage and say a speech looking straight into the eyes of the audience, was my Nobel Prize!
Today, with life’s changes, I am not where I was three months back. Though continuing with teaching, it is not the same since I am not making much of a difference. The system is different here and everyone has time only for academic success. I feel I am losing hold of what I held dearly and what I was doing..and hence was the question from my brother. And that question instantly got me back to track. NO! I never want to let go of my passion because it makes me who I am. Eventually, I will lose myself and others will move away from me too!
I would rather die knowing that I stood for what I truly am than living years of my life thinking what I could be! Thanks , Hari 😉 !