I saw this tree in a park the other day..standing alone! The tree standing there strong made me think. What would this lonely tree think?? Would it think that I am glad to be alone – no one to take the water that I need, no one to take the nutrients I need from the soil. I don’t have to waste my energy on fighting for my daily survival. So what if I don’t have anyone to talk to but at least I am free to do what I want to without being judged or have too many parameters that would define what and how I should do things. OR would it think I don’t have anyone; I have to stay here alone and no one to challenge me to do better.
Think about it – kind of how we would view our lives at different points of time. We love having people around and having them to love, to hate, to compete. But sometimes, we wish we could do things on our own in our own way and not let others define how we should act or live. We just wish we could just follow our instincts, be able to show our emotions as they are and not be shunned down for it. That lonely tree can show its emotions and follow its instincts since there is no one to tell it to behave in a certain way, on the other hand, it does not have anyone around who would be there to see when it is happy or when it is sad. Maybe as humans, we want to share our lives but how much of sharing of our lives causes unhappiness???
Should the lonely tree be happy about being alone or sad that it does not have anyone near?
So I was watching a show in which a strange guy comes to the main lady in the show and tells her that he was the person who had received her sister’s heart when she died in a car accident. He just wanted to thank someone. This lady asks one thing to him, “Are you a good person?” And he says he is and he is thankful for a second life and he appreciates it every day.
That got me to thinking..I am an organ donor on my license. The person who gets my heart will he/she feel the same way as I felt when i was alive..will their heart tell them to do the same things as my heart tells me to do? I feel deeply hurt, i feel deeply moved, I feel deeply involved with everything…will it help them or will it be a block in their lives…? This is a journal message to the person who gets my heart..If you get it, I always have followed my heart..and hopefully, you will do the same. Thank you for keeping me alive!
I read this book by Charles Dickens when I was very young. Not that what I am about to write has anything to do with the book, it just seemed an apt title.
Do your expectations make you feel happy or disappointed? I know it can sway both ways. If we expect another person to behave or react in a certain way and they don’t, it is natural for us to feel disappointed. We think this is what I would have done in this situation and I expect the other person also to do the same – > propagating in us feeling upset, melancholy, and kind of detest the other person for not doing that. The next time too , the other person did not do as we thought, again disappointment engulfs us.
Should we stop expecting from others? I have tried doing that. I try to think only the positive things and tell myself, if this does not happen and there have been so many other positive things then I should still be happy. But it is very difficult not to have expectations and after trying a few times, I go back to same old expecting…..feeling happy, feeling disappointed…
How about you?
Yesterday, while talking to my very good friend, I realized something very deep about her. I have known her for years and I thought I already knew her well. But what we talked about yesterday was completely baffling to me. I felt as if I hadn’t talked to her for years and I am just getting to know her.
It struck me that we could know a person for years but not actually know them as deeply as we thought. Me and my friend have shared a lot of events, happiness, sadness in our lives. We talk a great deal with each other….but still I didn’t know as much as I thought. In fact, I think I understood her much better yesterday than I ever have.
How many of us have such people in our lives who we think we know very well but do we understand them?? Do we know what makes them that individual?? We all may have someone in our lives that we share our deepest secrets with, but still do we really know them, not just daily stuff or their behavior..but who they are, what has shaped them in their life?
It lead me to another realization – when you understand the other person, you have a new sense of admiration and a completely different perspective about them than the one you had for years!
My brother send me this article from Readers Digest in which this guy’s monthly password reminds him of what he needs to do next and how it keeps him focused on his goal. Every time, he had to type his password, he was reminded of what he had to accomplish that month. I started wondering, Don’t we all need a reminder to keep us focused on what we want to do? We could have enlisted every single thing we want to do for our entire life in a notebook, journal or maybe a phone (considering technology) but does it keep us focused? I have had a time in my life where I just wanted to send a mail but ended up procrastinating it for a long time that at last, I forgot. The article also made me think if we should have short term goals that will ultimately culminate in a long term goal. The guy in the article started his monthly password trend using just “forgiving his ex”, “quitting smoking” to finally, his destination of finding that “life is beautiful”.
I am trying to find my own ways to remind myself of my short and long term goals to keep me on track. I want to have it accomplished, not just half done or I still have time to do. Life is short and thus, I need to set my password to my goals. Do you have a password to remind you??
We have all had this conversation – Life is too short. We don’t know when we will die. As we hear of people who have suddenly lost their lives, people who died young, people who died of illness, people who just went away; we are forced to retreat our thoughts to “Life is too short” philosophy.
Some days, when I used to come back from a tiring day of teaching, I used to think – If I die today, I will die a happy person! And believe it or not, it used to bring a smile on my face. And I wonder how many of us are able to smile that way and say the same thing. My life has changed and I am not sure today I would say that. They say that life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Don’t know if it is true or not..but if it flashes by, will you be smiling or will you regret that you were not happy at the moment you took your last breath?
Usually, we hear people saying, “I miss him/her/them or I miss doing this/that”. Is missing someone or something dependent on what you want? I believe that answer is Yes. A feeling of emptiness or the lack of belonging or having someone/something is dependent on the choices that you make. If you had to make a choice or you had a say in the choice and that is the reason you end up not having someone in your life, then you feel less miserable about it or your mind helps you adapt to it faster because you know that you had another choice and you chose one over another and set your mind to adapt to it. But when you don’t have any choice but to leave the person, place or your work, then you end up feeling a lack of it in your life immediately and you don’t let your mind and heart adapt to it easily. But in both cases, gradually, everyone moves forward!
Making a choice yourself versus having no choice makes a mountain of difference between surviving without something that is a part of your life but we still do. Is it because we stop believing that we are not attached to that? No. It is because you tell yourself that I made my choice and right now, even if I miss it, I will learn to move forward. A friend of mine once mentioned, about having someone dear to him most of the time in his life, and when one person went away, after some time, someone else came in to his life and they became dear. Now, is it because the previous person was not so important for him, that they could be replaced? Having known this person very well, I say No! But once a person knows that they are not coming back into their life, they learn to move on. And if at some point of time, they feel lonely, they learn to adapt to that too…learn that to live their life, they have to make choices that will help them move forward. Again, choices help them decide whether they are able to move on with their life faster or does it take a long time. Life goes on and people learn to live, adapt and learn more about themselves and find different paths.
When people move from one place to another, we mostly are first to tell them/think what they might miss and telling them how it might be so different. But what if we were making that decision to move because of our own reason or excuses, will we feel the same way?? Will we look at the positive side of it?? Will we convince ourselves that the greater good lies in the choice you are making? Ask yourself these questions, when you are faced with people or things changing in your lives. Think if the change was brought by you or by someone else, think of how fast or slow you are to adapt to that change and then check if the result was dependent on your contribution to the change. As human beings, we talk ourselves into believing what we want to. It is always OUR choice!! As the first part of the saying from Julius Caesar rightly says –
“”What we wish, we readily believe, and what we ourselves think, we imagine others think also.”